Falling Apart

Re-posted from the archives:

This morning during my alone time with the LORD I was reading God’s Word and I glanced down for a pinch only to notice my sweatshirt. It was worn where the cuff and the narrow portion of the sleeve met. As I looked around that area I noticed that the edge of the cuff had some splits in it. Upon further investigation I noticed that many similar spots were all about my sweatshirt. I suppose my sweatshirt is in this condition because I purchased it nearly 17 years ago. I have worn this sweatshirt to the point that it is falling apart all over. It should come as no surprise to me that it is falling apart.

In that very moment I thought about “Sally." I thought about our relationship. At first--when our relationship started--we bumped into each periodically. A short bit of time passed and we eventually made a purposeful effort to bump into each other more often. Coffee. Tea. Her house. My house.  Bible study.

At some point I took notice of the condition of her Bible. One day, I glanced over at her Bible only to notice that it was worn. Very worn. Fading. Thinning. The edges were completely browned and roughed up a bit. What once looked like ornately carved out gold lettering along the spine now just a hint of gold specks here and there. Whispering to the quietness of my mind I said, “That’s the kind of friend I want.”

Over the years I have learned that it happens to be the kind of friend I want to be.

My sweatshirt.  My sweatshirt happens to be warm, comfortable, and safe. It fits me. It’s falling apart around the edges. Friendship. I want to be warm, comfortable, and safe. I don't necessarily want to purposefully fall apart, but yet, I want to be totally comfortable with being imperfect all over the place.  Imperfect. All. Over. The. Place. Not false. Not record-keeping. Not judgmental. Not quick to jump on flaws. Not anything but safe, warm, comfortable, and falling apart.

Bible. I want my Bible to fall apart because I purposefully dig through it again and again searching for intimacy with my Savior. Searching for the answers to life and death and salvation and problem solving and falling apart. I want to be all over that love letter investigating, digging, uncovering, exploring, probing, and applying. Saturated. I want to be saturated by the Word. I want to KNOW HIM more and more and more and more. And I want you to know that when you come to my shoulder you'll encounter a friend who wants you to KNOW HIM more and more and more too.

LORD, fashion my mind and my heart to be a better friend. Cause me to love others by Your great love. Know me. Search me. Teach me. Caution me.  Correct me.  Love me. Guide me. Lead me. Mold me.  Fashion me in Your love and by Your love for You. AMEN 

Tearing through my Bible,
Wanting more of Him,
Falling apart,

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